The Swede's wife steps up to the tee and, as she bends over to place her ball, a gust of wind blows her skirt up and reveals her lack of underwear.
'Good God, woman! Why aren't you wearing any skivees?' Ole demanded.
'Well, you don't give me enough housekeeping money to afford any.' The Swede immediately reaches into his pocket and says, 'For the sake of decency, here's a 50. Go and buy yourself some underwear.'
Next, the Irishman's wife bends over to set her ball on the tee. Her skirt also blows up to show that she, too, is wearing no undies.
'Blessed Virgin Mary, woman! You've no knickers. Why not?'
She replies, 'I can't afford any on the money you give me.'
Patrick reaches into his pocket and says, 'For the sake of decency, here's a 20. Go and buy yourself some underwear!'
Lastly, the Scotsman's wife bends over. The wind also takes her skirt over her head to reveal that she, too, is naked under it.
'Sweet mudder of Jaysus, Aggie! Where the frig are yer drawers?'
She too explains, 'You dinna give me enough money ta be able ta affarrd any.'
The Scotsman reaches into his pocket and says, 'Well, fer the love 'o decency, here's a comb..... Tidy yerself up a bit.' _________________ Once the misery line, but now passed on to another.
See www.bramleyline.org.uk where one day we just might see an Ex-LT&SR Standard 4 steaming along as a Guest loco.
In deference to the Archbishop of Canterbury and the Royal Commission for Political Correctness, it was announced today that the local climate in the UK should no longer be referred to as 'English weather.'
In order to avoid offending a sizable portion of the population, it will now be referred as 'Muslim weather.'
In other words - 'partly Sunni but mostly Shi'ite.' _________________ Once the misery line, but now passed on to another.
See www.bramleyline.org.uk where one day we just might see an Ex-LT&SR Standard 4 steaming along as a Guest loco.
A husky biker stopped by the local Harley shop to have his bike fixed. They couldn't do it while he waited, so he said he didn't live far and would just walk home.
On the way home he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket and an anvil. He also stopped by the feed store and livestock dealer and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose. However, struggling outside the store he now had a problem: how to carry all of his purchases home.
While he is scratching his head he was approached by a little old lady who told him she was lost. She asked, 'Can you tell me how to get to 1603 Mockingbird Lane?' The biker said, 'Well, as a matter of fact, I live at 1616
Mockingbird Lane. I would walk you home but I can't carry this stuff.'
The old lady suggested, 'Why don't you put the anvil in the bucket, carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand?' 'Why thank you very much,' he said and proceeded to walk the old girl home.
On the way he said 'Let's take my short cut and go down this alley. We'll be there in no time.' The little old lady looked him over cautiously then said, 'I am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me.' 'How do I know that when we get in the alley you won't hold me up against the wall and have your way with me?' The biker said, 'Holy smokes lady! I am carrying a bucket, an anvil, two chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?
The lady replied, 'Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the anvil on top of the bucket, and I'll hold the chickens.' _________________ Once the misery line, but now passed on to another.
See www.bramleyline.org.uk where one day we just might see an Ex-LT&SR Standard 4 steaming along as a Guest loco.
An elderly couple, Margaret and Bert, are in Alberta. Bert always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots. Seeing some on sale one day, he buys them, wears them home, walking proudly.
He walks into the house and says to his wife, 'Notice anything different about me?'
Margaret looks him over, 'Nope.'
Frustrated Bert storms off into the bathroom, undresses, and walks back into the room completely naked except for the boots.
Again, he asks, a little louder this time, 'Notice anything different NOW?'
Margaret looks up and says,
'Bert, what's different? It's hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, and it'll be hanging down again tomorrow.'
Furious, Bert yells, ' AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT'S HANGING DOWN MARGARET?'
'Nope,' she replies.
'IT'S HANGING DOWN BECAUSE IT'S LOOKING AT MY NEW BOOTS!!!!!'
To which Margaret replies... 'Shoulda bought a hat Bert. Shoulda bought a hat.' _________________ Once the misery line, but now passed on to another.
See www.bramleyline.org.uk where one day we just might see an Ex-LT&SR Standard 4 steaming along as a Guest loco.
A farmer in Devon has made history by growing a field of dildos! Unfortunately he's had a lot of trouble with squatters!
85% of Liverpudlian males say they enjoy sex in the shower........ The other 15% haven't been to prison yet
I'm really p*ssed off! Someone’s just crashed into my car in one of them new Skodas. There’s f.......g jam and sponge everywhere!
b******s! Just been thrown out & barred from the local swimming baths because I had my Speedo trunks on! What I didn't know was the 'S' had come off the logo!!
I've just been 2 my first Muslim birthday party! Musical chairs was a bit slow but f*ck me pass the parcel was fast!
I dunno what all the fuss is about this shark coming to Cornwall . It’s the first thing in ages that’s tried to get in this country that’s f*cking white !!
2 Irish couples decide to swap partners. Afterwards Paddy said to Murphy that’s the best f*ck I've ever had, I wonder how the girls got on ?
Paddy weighs 20st, so his doctor puts him on a diet. 'I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day and repeat this for 2 weeks, you should loose 5lbs.' When Paddy returned, he shocked the doctor by having lost 4st. 'That?s amazing the doc said'...Paddy nodded...'I'll tell you be Jesus, I taut I was gonna drop dead by da 3rd day.' 'What from hunger said the doc?'...'No from the f........g skipping!'
THE BBC HAVE SAID THAT BLACK AND ASIANS ARE NOT REPRESENTED ENOUGH ON TV SO THEY'RE PUTTING CRIMEWATCH ON TWICE A WEEK.
Just popped home, caught the plumber with his dick in the dog! Can't believe the police won't do anything! They said the b*stard was corgi registered
Are you available to come to a charity pancake competition on Shrove Tuesday? The organisers have the pans and the ingredients they just need a tosser. _________________ Once the misery line, but now passed on to another.
See www.bramleyline.org.uk where one day we just might see an Ex-LT&SR Standard 4 steaming along as a Guest loco.
An elderly woman had just returned to her home from a Church service when she was startled by an intruder.
She caught the man in the act of robbing her home of its valuables and yelled, 'Stop! Acts 2:38!' Repent and be baptised, in the name of Jesus Christ so that your sins may be forgiven.
The burglar immediately stops in his tracks. The woman calmly called the police and explained what she had done.
As the officer is cuffing the man to take him in, he asks the burglar, 'Why did you just stand there? All the old lady did was yell a Scripture to you.'
'Scripture?' replied the burglar. 'She said she had an axe and two 38's!' _________________ Once the misery line, but now passed on to another.
See www.bramleyline.org.uk where one day we just might see an Ex-LT&SR Standard 4 steaming along as a Guest loco.
DEER MEAT
A man kills a deer and takes it home to cook for dinner.
Both he and his wife decide that they won't tell the kids what kind of meat
it is, but will give them a clue and let them guess.
The kids were eager to know what the meat was on their plates, so they
begged their dad for the clue.
Well, he said, 'It's what mommy calls me sometimes'.
The little girl screams to her brother
'Don't eat it, it's an asshole'.... _________________ Once the misery line, but now passed on to another.
See www.bramleyline.org.uk where one day we just might see an Ex-LT&SR Standard 4 steaming along as a Guest loco.
As a young Priest in Whyalla, I was asked by a funeral director to hold a grave-side service for a homeless man, who had no family or friends. The funeral was to be held at a new cemetery way back in the country, and this man would be the first to be buried there.
I was not familiar with the bush and I soon became lost. Being a typical man, I did not stop to ask for directions.
I finally arrived an hour late. I saw the backhoe and the open grave, but the hearse was nowhere in sight. The digging crew was eating lunch. I apologised to the workers for my tardiness, and I stepped to the side of the open grave. There I saw the vault lid already in place.
I assured the workers I would not hold them up for long, as I told them that this was the proper thing to do. The workers gathered around the grave and stood silent by, as I began to pour out my heart and soul.
As I preached about 'looking forward to a brighter tomorrow' and 'the glory that is to come' the workers began to say 'Amen. Praise the Lord,' and 'Glory!'. The fervour of these men truly inspired me.
So, I preached and I preached like I had never preached before, all the way from Genesis to Revelations. I finally closed the lengthy service with a prayer, thanked the men, and walked to my car.
As I was opening the door and taking off my coat, I heard one of the workers say to another, "I ain't NEVER seen nothin' like that before, and I've been puttin' in septic tanks for thirty years!' _________________ Once the misery line, but now passed on to another.
See www.bramleyline.org.uk where one day we just might see an Ex-LT&SR Standard 4 steaming along as a Guest loco.
One day an old man saw a young boy walking and smoking a cigarette.
He stopped the boy and asked how old he was.
The boy replied "I'm 6 years old."
"Since when do you smoke?" the old man asked.
"Since I first slept with a woman." said the boy.
"And when was that?" asked the old man.
The boy answered: "I can't remember, I was drunk."
_________________ Once the misery line, but now passed on to another.
See www.bramleyline.org.uk where one day we just might see an Ex-LT&SR Standard 4 steaming along as a Guest loco.
You cannot post new topics in this forum You cannot reply to topics in this forum You cannot edit your posts in this forum You cannot delete your posts in this forum You cannot vote in polls in this forum
FAQ
Search
Memberlist
Usergroups
Join! (free) 
Profile
Log in to check your private messages
Log in
